May 2013
porndirector:
i’d be so attractive if i was attractive
tedthejinglebellhop:
fun fact one time robert pattinson was supposed to get punk’d at the bar where my cousin works and they got all the employees in on it and everything but when it came time to punk him his friends couldn’t get him to leave his house and that’s when I knew I loved robert pattinson
royal-high:
a kid from my school just got expelled today for pretending to be russian for 8 months. he pretended he couldn’t read, write or talk english he did good in all his classes because he had all the teachers and principles convinced he just moved from russia, so they didn’t make him do any work
jesuschristvevo:
brushing your teeth at night is a difficult thing to do because its like a semipermanent decision once you brush your teeth thats it you cant eat for the rest of the night and i just never know if im willing to make that commitment
inbox:
Before Tumblr i thought blogging was something 30 year old single mothers did. Discussing recipes and parenting techniques
parkwaydriive:
reasons to date me
1:
2:
3:
4:
5: please
exit the womb they said
life will be great they said
i get really uncomfortable when people don’t maximize their browser window
me: i don't like him
me: i don't like him
me: i don't like him
me: i don't like him
him: hi
me: sweet jesus why are you perfect
spookymormon:
spookymormon:
my mom always texts me rude things so ive just started replying with an emoji of an eggplant and it gets her so pissed it’s great
